Breaking the 'yelling' habit

Hello, Happy Humans! 🙂

We're here with our weekly 3 things...

1️⃣ A question from our community

2️⃣ Our actionable tips

3️⃣ A resource from our toolkit

1. The question

“How can I get my husband on board with breaking the habit of yelling at our kids? I know it’s not healthy, and I really want us to tackle this together.”

2. Our answer

Breaking the habit of yelling is CHALLENGING. 

Some of us were raised in homes where yelling was how our needs got met, and we’ve unintentionally adopted it as both a coping mechanism and a parenting strategy.

Unlearning this kind of behavior is going to take lots of effort, especially since it’s often what we default to when we’re emotionally dysregulated (or when our coping tools and strategies are just tapped out). 

Getting our partners on board can be even MORE challenging because now we’re trying to change someone else's behavior, right?

So, to get a partner on board… 

We have to start by creating opportunities for open communication.

For example, the two of us hold weekly scheduled meetings that we call our ‘team chats.’ 

We discuss what’s working and where we need more support. We talk about what went well that week, family challenges, and our parenting goals. 

And though it isn’t always easy, we try our best to lead with empathy and validation.  

Not every conversation goes smoothly, BUT, they’ve helped us grow as a team over time.  

To kick off one of these meetings, you could simply start by sharing what you’re learning.

You can recommend books, Happy Human Life reels (wink!), or other resources (like our workshops) that align with the parenting approach you want to create. 

Sometimes hearing an expert explain things resonates in ways that are hard for us to convey in our day-to-day emotionally charged conversations. 

And then… do your best to lead by example (which is arguably the most important tip).  

Our actions will always speak louder than our words! 

When your partner sees you using new strategies successfully, they’re more likely to give them a try. Trust us… modeling can be far more persuasive than any lecture.

For example, if you take a deep breath and calmly manage a challenging moment with your kid instead of yelling, it shows that there are other ways to handle stress that are effective and connection-focused.

Over time, your partner will notice how the changes you’re making create a calmer, more cooperative home. 

And lastly, don’t forget to celebrate as a team when things go well to reinforce that you’re in this together.

3. From our toolkit

If we want to get our partner’s on board, we need to get on each other’s team first. 

We all need to feel a sense of safety in order to even engage in that first step of creating opportunities for open communication.

Now, when we make an intentional effort to prioritize one another, we create a sense of safety that allows BOTH partners to grow together. 

And prioritizing your partner doesn’t have to be complicated! 

It’s about the little, consistent actions that say, ‘I see you, and I’m here with you.’

If you’re interested in learning simple ways to prioritize your partner and your relationship, use the link below to access our new FREE downloadable: 10 Ways to Prioritize Your Partner.

Grab it here for free!

Thanks for being here. 

❤️ Jenilee & Greg