Kids get MORE upset when you tell them to take deep breaths?

Hi Happy Humans!

We're here with our weekly 3 things...

1️⃣ A question from our community

2️⃣ Our actionable tip of the week

3️⃣ A resource from our toolkit

1. The question

“My husband and I tell our kids to 'calm down,' 'relax,' or 'breathe,' when they’re having a hard time. BUT, they push back and seem to get even MORE aggravated. What can we do to help them accept breathing strategies to regulate in the moment?”

2. Our actionable tip

Oh yeah, we feel this one BIG time.

Think about it…

Who likes to be told to “calm down” when they’re upset?

If we’re feeling big emotions, we’re likely having a fight-or-flight response, and having someone step in to say…

“Relax. Try taking deep breaths…” 

Can come across as really invalidating, making our big feelings even BIGGER.

So, our actionable tip of the week is…

✅ Build breathwork skills OUTSIDE of the tense moments.

We often explain this ‘work’ to our kids like they’re ‘strengthening a muscle’… the more we exercise it, the stronger it gets.

Now, it can be really hard for our kids to visualize what we’re asking them to do in terms of pulling off a successful, regulating breath, and the webe kälm has made it SO easy (you’ll learn more about how the webe kälm teaches kids breathwork in the toolkit section).

But yeah… the more we practice using breathwork when emotionally regulated, the more accessible it will be when we need it during our most challenging moments. 

It’s like doing breathwork ‘training’ to grow everyone’s comfort with it.

We’ve found that the best time to integrate breathwork is during our bedtime routine.

Our bodies are already winding down, so it’s the perfect opportunity to get in DAILY practice.

You don’t need to dig into any specific breathwork strategies (e.g., belly breath, box breath, the 4-7-8 method), but instead, focus on helping your kids understand that our exhales need to be longer than our inhales.

We often use the example…

“Smell the flowers…” (deep breath in), “... and “blow out the candles” (slow breath out).

By making this kind of practice a nightly ritual, not only will your kids fall asleep more easily, but they’ll be strengthening that ‘breathwork muscle,’ making it easier for them to accept it as a strategy to regulate when they need it most.

3. From our toolkit

If you’re looking for an engaging tool to help your kids develop the skill of using breathwork, this is it!

The webe kälm is a fun and effective tool for both our kids, and us, to practice those deep breaths everyone keeps talking about.

By focusing on slow exhalation WITH visual cues, the webe kälm guides our kids in learning how to effectively put into practice regulating breaths (remember… BIG inhale… and SLOW exhale). 

This tool has helped empower our kids to take care of their emotions with a simple breath.

When using the webe kälm with our kids, we introduce it as taking a ‘webe breath.’ 

The tool gives them immediate feedback, and through repeated practice, they’ve quickly learned what to do when we encourage breathwork at signs of dysregulation.

The webe kälm has taught them how to exercise their ‘breathwork muscle,’ making it a tangible, actionable skill to be developed.

Ultimately, the goal is for our kids to be able to take a ‘webe breath’ without needing the tool, but it’s a fantastic aid to help them get there.

You can use this link to check out the webe kälm. 

Let us know what you think!

P.S. We're excited to announce that we are deep into the production of our upcoming workshop with the working title...

"47 Ways to Chill the Eff Out" 

After completing this workshop, you'll have a personalized menu of both reactive and proactive strategies that'll help you show up as the calm and regulated parent that you want to be.

Keeping our cool during all of the daily parenting chaos has been one of our greatest challenges over the past 12 years, and we are SO excited to share with you a pretty exhaustive menu of the science-backed strategies that we've been using to help.

We'll keep you posted as the launch date gets closer. 🙂

*We personally use and love all of the products and resources we suggest. If you decide to check out any of the affiliate links we share, just know that we may get a small commission.